Find the Needle: Honesty

In Moneyball, a biographical sports film about the Oakland Athletics’ 2002 baseball season, General Manager Billy Beane investigates the issues of a team that had lost some key players. He asks questions that back managers, coaches, and players into a corner.

“If he’s a good hitter, why doesn’t he hit good?” asks Billy.

“We’re very aware of the problem,” coaches and managers say.

Billy replies, “Well, good. What’s the problem?”

Every time they answer what they think the problem is, Beane says, “Nope. What’s the problem?” He keeps pushing beyond the surface answers.

Then, he gets more personal with others, “Who are you?”

Our first answers are often incomplete, and we may not even know it. Sometimes, it is an issue of honesty, where the entire story isn’t being told. Not telling the whole story isn’t necessarily on purpose. You may not tell the entire story because you have lived with or ignored portions for so long you don’t see them anymore. It happened little by little.

Think about our relationship with honesty. We use phrases to declare the nature of our honesty often:

“To Be Honest….”
“To be completely honest….”
“Let me be honest with you.”
“Let’s be honest.”

We would never need to make such declarations if honesty were the norm. I was struck by the first Meriam-Webster definition of honesty: free from fraud or deception. It’s as if we know fraud and deception well, so lacking those is the beginning of our understanding of honesty. “To be completely honest” is an interesting measure, as if partial honesty is honest.

When was the last time you, your team, or your most significant community impact partners had an honest conversation about what matters to you, the problems you face, the resources you need, and the state of relationships? We tend to fear these conversations because we fear what they will reveal. I love revelation! It lets me know where things are, where people are, and where I am with those people. I would much rather know than not know. Honesty is the best policy…most of the time.

Sometimes, we are not being honest because we don’t want to be honest. Why not? Because it could be embarrassing or create conflict. There is even the chance that honesty will challenge the ideas and approaches we have operated by for years. If what we are doing truly works, let’s celebrate. If our work aligns with what we say we value, let’s stay the course. If things aren’t working and misalignment is how things are tracking, then let’s be honest…

You being honest with you
You being honest with others
Others being honest with you
The community being honest as a community

Honesty goes beyond the surface to what is hidden, even buried deep in our self and the story of our community. A search party’s solid effort to find the needle will leave no leaf, straw, stone, or layer unturned. Again…

• When did you last sit with the core values and beliefs that are the foundation and fuel for your community impact work?
• When did you last sit with the key partnerships vital to your shared community impact work?

Go beyond the protective layers and get to the real. A fear of honesty hates questions. How do you feel about these questions? Are they working? Is it REALLY working? What does “working” mean? Questions can make us feel backed into a corner, making you want to fight, especially if you don’t know the answer or you don’t like the answer.

What if you don’t fight? What if you discard offensive and defensive stances, knowing that getting to the truth of things is our only way to solutions?

Honesty is the ability to be available to the honest answer.

Is that a level of honesty you are willing to be available to personally? What about as you search for answers for your community and as a community?

Honesty determines how an individual or community feels about and engages in at least three ways: Exploration, Reception, and Expression. Let’s unpack these.

Exploration with Honesty
Honesty wants to explore because honesty wants to know. Pretending is not only unhelpful but can be dangerous because needed information isn’t pursued. One of the most challenging honest answers for us to give is, “I don’t know.” You may never know if you don’t know, but pretend to know.

Some people are determined to keep things positive. They are anti-negative and avoid seeing problems, which means they avoid exploring the negative realities that must be understood and responded to. This makes creating solutions very difficult. Not being honest about a problem is dishonesty.

Exploration of ideas leads to creativity and solutions. It is fueled by honesty about the need to know and understand more. People of community impact who love honesty also love exploring what is so that they can create new and necessary responses that actually accomplish desired results.

Reception of Honesty
A desire for honesty leads to a good reception of honesty. Openness to hear If someone has a perspective I need to hear, I want to listen to it, especially if others echo it. Conflict often happens and is escalated when receptivity to honesty is lacking.

Offensive and defensive stances based on “enemy” perception. What happens when we declare that we are a team in this work? A team isn’t absent conflict; it handles it differently than enemies. The aim of a team is that you win together, even if you face conflict along the way. The objective of enemies is that one wins while the other loses, maybe wholly shut down. Guess what? Honesty might show that you are enemies.

You can trust a person more when you truly know where they stand. Unknowns and gut feelings in a relationship can cause hesitation, a lack of deeper connection, and withholding information.

Expression of Honesty
When should you be honest with others? Sometimes, I keep my honesty to myself. I know where I stand on an issue. I know what I wish would be done. But I also am honest with myself about the atmospheric conditions. “Now” is not always the time. “These people” are not always the people. This is a doorway into honesty that necessitates immense wisdom and self-control. Should I walk through it?

What is your state of being? Are you angry? Anger doesn’t usually influence people to consider new ideas or to move in a new direction…other than away from you. Don’t confuse anger with passion. Passion means you are deeply committed and energetic about an idea because it matters to you to your core. Someone expressing information from anger is fire breathing and will see it as the recipient’s problem when one’s delivery isn’t done well.

Honesty can step back and say, “Let me try coming at this from a different angle.” The start, delivery, and close of honesty well expressed is from an energy of humble determination guided by clarity of intention. There is a difference between winning and winning someone over.

Being respectfully honest with one another builds respect. Disrespectful honesty builds gateless walls and burns bridges. Although honesty sometimes necessitates agreeing to disagree on some things, it doesn’t necessitate that you no longer work together on other issues. Respectful honesty prevents division and fosters walking together for the long haul.

This is an invitation to be open to the honest answer, no matter the question. Honesty really is the best policy, even if “I don’t know” is the best you've got. That honesty will help you find answers you may never have found otherwise.

Action Points

1. Take time to sit alone with yourself and explore this idea of honesty. Is there anything from this blog that jumped out at you? Invest some time here and take notes.
2. Be a model of honesty as you explore from, receive, and express honesty personally and as a community.
3. With whom do you need to meet and discuss this idea of honesty? Why? What is the result you are aiming for?
4. Do you need to work on being respectfully honest? The people in your life and work are extremely important. Are there any walls that need gates or bridges that need rebuilding because disrespectful honesty went awry? With whom will you start?
5. Who are you? How are you? Does your work still matter to you as much as it used to? Have you had an honest conversation with yourself lately? Give yourself some time.

Do you desire to strengthen your CharityTracker or OasisInsight network and achieve new levels of collaboration and impact? Reach out to Chuck today to schedule your conversation: chuck@simonsolutions.com. 

Dr. Chuck Coward serves as Community Impact Specialist for Simon Solutions, Inc. Chuck has invested over 35 years in fostering human and community development from a variety of places and roles, including as a pastor, non-profit Executive Director, Director of Development, businessman, consultant, university professor, The Struggle Coach, and the founder of Entrusted Foundation. Serving to make people and communities stronger is his great passion. Chuck is the proud husband to Anita, dad to four, and granddaddy to eight.