Find the Needle: Community

[This article is one in a series designed for our Find the Needle community coaching opportunity, but of benefit to anyone. The 2025 application is now closed.]

In Mission: Impossible 5, Director Atlee of British Intelligence says to Agent Faust, “There are no allies in statecraft…only common interests.” Crafting a community can be much the same, where a project and a target drive the pretense of being allies, until there is no reason to continue working together. This can happen quickly if organizations are competing for the public's attention and funding.

People living in a house together, even sharing genetics and the same name, is different from living as a family in a home. We can be a physical neighbor, but not neighborly. Nonprofits, faith communities, and agencies can be located in the same community but not act as a community. What is it that makes the difference?

The difference is how you are present, not just that you are present. What do you want out of being there, in that moment, with those people? What are the hopes, aspirations, and goals that some of you hold for your community? Is there a shared vision of some kind? How many of your neighbors do you know by name?

What I am about to describe is not easy, which is why it is so elusive. We search for community, thinking we will find it one day. But you don’t just find community sitting in a hidden corner as a whole reality. You find your way to it piece by piece, like a giant jigsaw puzzle.

However, the puzzle pieces aren’t all neatly stowed away in a box, with the lid to guide assembly. They are scattered and must be located. This requires time, commitment to a community vision, and a belief that it can be accomplished.

The complexity of a community lies in its people. People are a puzzlement. More than the most complex puzzles, figuring out “we, the people” is more than us dwelling together or being assembled. It’s the personhood aspect that’s becoming a lost experience.

In this article, I will explore the idea that we can be together geographically, yet remain separate in terms of personal connection. How do we find the ability to live as a community again? Let’s begin by understanding the distinction between in a community and as a community. Then, I will provide some steps to get you started on the journey to living as a community.

Living In a Community
In a recent conversation with someone in my community, we were noting the loss of the small-town look and feel. Not even considering the relationships, we bemoaned the traffic, the construction, the loss of architectural character, and the seeming lack of long-term vision. But what about the people?

Have you ever been part of a group of people in one place, even doing some of the same work together (including “community development”), or maybe on the same team, but it seems incomplete? No one will say it out loud, but “the work” is missing something. In meetings, people sit in the room with little or strained interaction until we get to “the business at hand.”

People together are not necessarily a together people. The dividing lines can be extensive. The full nature of community holds the ability to have conversations, which can bridge divides over time. Does your community have conversations? What have you found to be true of those over time? Where are they going in terms of relational atmosphere?

The word “community” has two parts: “com-”, meaning “together,” and “unity,” meaning “joined as a whole.” Living in a community together is a starting point, but how do we become a people who truly live as a community, joined together as a whole?

Living As a Community
Together in a way that is joined as a whole doesn’t mean everyone is the same. It’s not like you’re laying a person on a copy machine and hitting the start button, or duplicating a computer file. It is a relational connectedness that leads to co-laboring, but with depth.

Living as a community is people together, holding to a truth in their core that these people matter to me. I’m not simply focused on what can be accomplished with or through them for my benefit. They are not merely pawns or projects. Their value is not only in what they do, but in who they are.

Living as a community involves being together for the good of community (an adjective), not just for the community (a noun). Our success together matters primarily because of the people, not because the project needs to be successful, so that we can win favor, the donors continue to give, or we can win the grant (which also means someone else doesn’t win). I get it, the competition is real.

This way of living as a community will never be done perfectly, because we, the people, are imperfect. That shouldn’t mean we don’t faithfully cultivate it from a belief in possibility. “If I will, and I bet someone else will.”

For this lost way of being to be rediscovered for our communities, it must be intentionally cultivated and guided. Those who like very defined and controlled processes will need to breathe a little. This is an atmosphere that needs to be organic, like growing a garden: patiently tilling, sowing, watering, cultivating, weeding, and waiting. Don’t forget, the soil matters. There may be some people with whom community can’t happen. That’s sad, but reality. Look for those with whom it can.

One quick word about disagreement. When living as a community, there is a desire to aim for the ability to disagree without being disagreeable. This approach to disagreeing can be challenging, but it can become a default setting if consistently chosen over time. It is often the case that someone has to take the lead and set the tone. Be the one who says, “I want to understand,” and then listen well.

Now, with all that has been said here about the tasks to be done, please don’t misunderstand what I am saying. The issues do matter. Solutions need to be found. If you read what I write or walk with me for any time, you know I am a solutionist to the core. We should be asking, “How do we get better?” as we observe, hear, and learn. What can you come around together that strikes a note with everyone?

Try this 10-step approach to get started on living as a community. (If you are listening to this article, this section may be better understood visually.)

1. Whether two or twenty, decide to get started living as a community.
2. Set a date and time for a conversation.
3. Invite to the conversation. Initially, I suggest being selective and having as diverse a mix of people as possible, including multigenerational, multicultural, etc. I do not encourage a wide-open “come one, come all” invitation at this point. Honestly, this is one area where we go wrong. (More on this below.)
4. Choose someone to facilitate the conversation. The facilitator can cultivate internal atmospheres of those present by guiding the external atmosphere. However, this person can only cultivate what they have personally. I see it as setting the table and setting the tone. The facilitator should be someone:
   1. Who is a positive, humble, energizing, and hopeful presence.
   2. Who listens well.
   3. Who is not afraid of some silence while people think.
   4. Who understands the aim of the conversation.
   5. Who is not afraid to, with kindness, step in to remind everyone of the ground rules (see below).
5. Choose a location that is best for a conversation.
6. Communicate the ground rules (printed if possible):
   1. Everyone uses one-sentence statements such as “I would like to see our community (fill in the blank),” or “I wish our community was (fill in the blank).”
   2. One statement per person at a time
   3. No one speaks out against another person’s statement
7. Have a notetaker. Make the notes visible to everyone present, such as on a giant sticky note pad, a computer and projected, or a whiteboard.
8. Look at the notes.
   1. Are there repeated words and phrases?
   2. Are there repeated ideas?
   3. What patterns do you find?
9. Be patient. In these early conversations, let the purpose be connecting as a community: me knowing you, you knowing me, us knowing what we share. You could share a simple meal along the way to cultivate an atmosphere of togetherness.
10. Over the months ahead, have more conversations around the repeated words, ideas, and patterns you find. Everyone can begin to invite others they believe will resonate with the conversation. Desire your community to be more than people gathered. Envision them as a whole. What could bring that “wholeness”?

This is one example of creating an atmosphere that nurtures community. If you would like to discuss options for your context, don't hesitate to contact me using the information provided at the end of this article.

Why Not Start with “Come One, Come All?”
Not everyone is ready for these kinds of conversations. If you fill the room with too many people who are not ready and who enter with something to prove, progress will be impeded, maybe even thwarted.

Decades of community development work have taught me to start with people I know and those whom they know. Filling a room isn’t necessarily a win. It may provide the images and the desired data to satisfy some funders, but it doesn’t necessarily lead to living as a community. Community isn’t built through marketing to and mobilizing the masses.

Cultivating true community takes a determined investment of your deepest self over time. You keep coming to the table, inviting to the table, and getting to know those at the table. Over time, those who consistently come to the table transition from sharing a space to sharing a cause, and ultimately, to sharing themselves. At that point, you are no longer just living in a community; you are living as a community. That is the vision that keeps you coming back until it comes to life.

Do you desire to strengthen your CharityTracker or OasisInsight network and achieve new levels of collaboration and impact? Reach out to Chuck today to schedule your conversation: chuck@simonsolutions.com. 

Dr. Chuck Coward serves as Community Impact Specialist for Simon Solutions, Inc. Chuck has invested over 36 years in fostering human and community development from a variety of places and roles, including as a pastor, non-profit Executive Director, Director of Development, businessman, consultant, university professor, The Struggle Coach, and the founder of Entrusted Foundation. Serving to make people and communities stronger is his great passion. Chuck is the proud husband to Anita, dad to four, and granddaddy to eight.